My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CT
I am a mother of a 9 year old boy with autism. I live 13 miles from my son's father, less than a 20 minute drive.
My ex has sole legal and physical custody, and I have been petitioning the court for joint physical and legal for 7 years. My orders state that I DO have joint legal custody, but my ex has "final say". To me, that's no different than sole legal because my ex just says "no" with every single parenting decision I bring forth for his "approval". Me having "joint" custody is not worth the paper it's written on, if my ex refuses to allow me to exercise this.
Each time I petition the court for equal parenting time and equal decision making rights, I am denied. The judge routinely ignores and disregards all expert testimony, including the GAL and court-appointed evaluator. I have routinely been declared a "fit, loving, attentive, and appropriate parent" by the judge. Never once has my way of parenting ever come into question.
I don't know why my ex hates me, since I have done nothing to him except end the relationship in 2009, but he has chosen to hate me, and that's his right. I don't try to reason with him or make him like me, but I do treat him with respect and courtesy 100% of the time. We were forced into co-parenting therapy in 2014 where after 11 sessions, I was mistreated so much that the therapist supported ending of the sessions. The therapist told the court about the mistreatment, and that further solidified the court's decision to keep me as "visiting" parent.
In 2010, when I originally lost custody, it was due to the judge's "prediction" that I would be promiscuous around my son, simply because my ex testified that I was promiscuous in college many years ago, before we even met. No witnesses, no evidence, just words from his mouth. I had been out of college for 8 years at that point. Nevertheless, the judge's ruling was based on this. My alleged "promiscuity" was never a topic of discussion in my entire relationship with my ex, but suddenly became a hot topic when we split up. His attorney could not attack my parenting so they decided to make up a story. Since then, I have been on an mountainous battle simply to be an equal parent.
This "prediction" by the judge never came true, as I am now married and have a second child. When I approached the court 3 years after losing custody, the new excuse by the judge was that my ex and I "don't get along". She stated that shared parenting is only possible when parents get along. My son testing in the low percentiles academically, with me living in an optimal school district with a huge Special Education budget was not a factor.
I started researching Constitutional Law in 2013 when I petitioned the court for a second time for joint physical custody and equal parenting rights and as a result, had even more parenting time taken away.
I have since published a book, interviewed on NPR, Channel 8 news, and testified 5 times to Legislators that the laws should be changed and shared custody should be automatic when both parents are fit, and the "feelings" of one parent toward another should not be a factor. I do absolutely nothing to contribute to the conflict, and no one has produced any evidence stating such. The GAL testified at length that I try very hard to co-parent but my ex makes it impossible. He stated that my ex lied to him during the investigation. The judge erroneously and negligently wrote in her Memorandum of Decision that the GAL stated that it was ME who lied repeatedly, not my ex. The GAL even told me that the judge got it wrong. My motion for articulation on this was denied. I have transcripts disproving the judge's statements, but the record can't be corrected.
The most recent judge stated on record that my ex routinely denies me parenting time and appears to want me out of my son's life, which is true. But no one will open my case without a change in circumstances.
Currently, I am with my son less than 15% of the time. On paper, my ex and I share joint legal custody. I have final decision making over his autism therapy. My ex does not allow any therapy whatsoever, even though the decisions are mine to make. I have zero enforcement power because I have so little parenting time. I can't take my son to therapy on the weekends I have him as most offices have weekday appointments only. My ex won't share in the expenses, and with child support I pay him, paying 100% of my son's treatments are cost-prohibitive. My ex and I are supposed to share 70/30 in expenses, but he wont' pay a penny. Going to court to complain about this is not something I am willing to do. He mistreats me in front of the judge to the point that we have a "high conflict" label, even though I don't respond or react. I feel that the court punishes me for my ex's mistreatment of me.
My 9 year old has been asking me for 5 years when he will be able to see me more. He loves me, his stepfather and his baby sister. I am with him every waking second possible, including having lunch with him in his school and coming to all of his dentist/doctor appointments. I changed careers so I can be present on field trips and classroom parties.
I have always maintained that my ex and my son deserve continuous contact and never once have I ever asked for more than equal custody. I will not sling mud at my ex and accuse him of false allegations. I think my "playing nice" has hurt me over the past 7 years.
I decided to change things up with the Family Court, since I've been chasing my tail. This Monday, August 8th, I am being heard on a Motion for Declaratory Judgement where I am asking the Family Court judge to outline my constitutional rights as a parent. My ex did not object, so it's me in front of the judge only. I'm arguing that the "best interest standard" is unconstitutional when two fit parents are able to make decisions for our son.
My ex refusing to co-parent with me and objecting to my having equal rights is not enough basis for the court to deny me as a parent. I have been downgraded to "visitor" status since my son was a pre-schooler, simply because the court believes my ex and I don't get along. My ex goes out of his way to abuse me in front of the judge to "prove" that we don't get along.
My argument on Monday is echoing the In re Sanders case, where a parent can't be denied rights without an adjudication hearing of fitness. I would like for the court on Monday to restore my rights as a fit parent, that is guaranteed by the Constitution. I will be arguing that my ex's personal feelings and treatment of me does not rise to the appropriate level of removing rights that belong to the other parent.
My colleagues in the parental rights realm are telling me that the judge will revert to "best interest of the child" standard, which is unconstitutional. And around we go.
Fathers being denied rights for 40 years is now showing up with many mothers. CT is among the worst states.
I am prepared to be shot down by the judge on Monday, but I want to be able to respectfully argue my points - so I'm asking the amazing minds on this board, which arguments can you predict the judge may make toward me? Constitutional law trumps state law, meaning the Constitution trumps "best interest" doctrine. This is my argument. I'm prepared for any counter-arguements on this board, so feel free to post them.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
I am a mother of a 9 year old boy with autism. I live 13 miles from my son's father, less than a 20 minute drive.
My ex has sole legal and physical custody, and I have been petitioning the court for joint physical and legal for 7 years. My orders state that I DO have joint legal custody, but my ex has "final say". To me, that's no different than sole legal because my ex just says "no" with every single parenting decision I bring forth for his "approval". Me having "joint" custody is not worth the paper it's written on, if my ex refuses to allow me to exercise this.
Each time I petition the court for equal parenting time and equal decision making rights, I am denied. The judge routinely ignores and disregards all expert testimony, including the GAL and court-appointed evaluator. I have routinely been declared a "fit, loving, attentive, and appropriate parent" by the judge. Never once has my way of parenting ever come into question.
I don't know why my ex hates me, since I have done nothing to him except end the relationship in 2009, but he has chosen to hate me, and that's his right. I don't try to reason with him or make him like me, but I do treat him with respect and courtesy 100% of the time. We were forced into co-parenting therapy in 2014 where after 11 sessions, I was mistreated so much that the therapist supported ending of the sessions. The therapist told the court about the mistreatment, and that further solidified the court's decision to keep me as "visiting" parent.
In 2010, when I originally lost custody, it was due to the judge's "prediction" that I would be promiscuous around my son, simply because my ex testified that I was promiscuous in college many years ago, before we even met. No witnesses, no evidence, just words from his mouth. I had been out of college for 8 years at that point. Nevertheless, the judge's ruling was based on this. My alleged "promiscuity" was never a topic of discussion in my entire relationship with my ex, but suddenly became a hot topic when we split up. His attorney could not attack my parenting so they decided to make up a story. Since then, I have been on an mountainous battle simply to be an equal parent.
This "prediction" by the judge never came true, as I am now married and have a second child. When I approached the court 3 years after losing custody, the new excuse by the judge was that my ex and I "don't get along". She stated that shared parenting is only possible when parents get along. My son testing in the low percentiles academically, with me living in an optimal school district with a huge Special Education budget was not a factor.
I started researching Constitutional Law in 2013 when I petitioned the court for a second time for joint physical custody and equal parenting rights and as a result, had even more parenting time taken away.
I have since published a book, interviewed on NPR, Channel 8 news, and testified 5 times to Legislators that the laws should be changed and shared custody should be automatic when both parents are fit, and the "feelings" of one parent toward another should not be a factor. I do absolutely nothing to contribute to the conflict, and no one has produced any evidence stating such. The GAL testified at length that I try very hard to co-parent but my ex makes it impossible. He stated that my ex lied to him during the investigation. The judge erroneously and negligently wrote in her Memorandum of Decision that the GAL stated that it was ME who lied repeatedly, not my ex. The GAL even told me that the judge got it wrong. My motion for articulation on this was denied. I have transcripts disproving the judge's statements, but the record can't be corrected.
The most recent judge stated on record that my ex routinely denies me parenting time and appears to want me out of my son's life, which is true. But no one will open my case without a change in circumstances.
Currently, I am with my son less than 15% of the time. On paper, my ex and I share joint legal custody. I have final decision making over his autism therapy. My ex does not allow any therapy whatsoever, even though the decisions are mine to make. I have zero enforcement power because I have so little parenting time. I can't take my son to therapy on the weekends I have him as most offices have weekday appointments only. My ex won't share in the expenses, and with child support I pay him, paying 100% of my son's treatments are cost-prohibitive. My ex and I are supposed to share 70/30 in expenses, but he wont' pay a penny. Going to court to complain about this is not something I am willing to do. He mistreats me in front of the judge to the point that we have a "high conflict" label, even though I don't respond or react. I feel that the court punishes me for my ex's mistreatment of me.
My 9 year old has been asking me for 5 years when he will be able to see me more. He loves me, his stepfather and his baby sister. I am with him every waking second possible, including having lunch with him in his school and coming to all of his dentist/doctor appointments. I changed careers so I can be present on field trips and classroom parties.
I have always maintained that my ex and my son deserve continuous contact and never once have I ever asked for more than equal custody. I will not sling mud at my ex and accuse him of false allegations. I think my "playing nice" has hurt me over the past 7 years.
I decided to change things up with the Family Court, since I've been chasing my tail. This Monday, August 8th, I am being heard on a Motion for Declaratory Judgement where I am asking the Family Court judge to outline my constitutional rights as a parent. My ex did not object, so it's me in front of the judge only. I'm arguing that the "best interest standard" is unconstitutional when two fit parents are able to make decisions for our son.
My ex refusing to co-parent with me and objecting to my having equal rights is not enough basis for the court to deny me as a parent. I have been downgraded to "visitor" status since my son was a pre-schooler, simply because the court believes my ex and I don't get along. My ex goes out of his way to abuse me in front of the judge to "prove" that we don't get along.
My argument on Monday is echoing the In re Sanders case, where a parent can't be denied rights without an adjudication hearing of fitness. I would like for the court on Monday to restore my rights as a fit parent, that is guaranteed by the Constitution. I will be arguing that my ex's personal feelings and treatment of me does not rise to the appropriate level of removing rights that belong to the other parent.
My colleagues in the parental rights realm are telling me that the judge will revert to "best interest of the child" standard, which is unconstitutional. And around we go.
Fathers being denied rights for 40 years is now showing up with many mothers. CT is among the worst states.
I am prepared to be shot down by the judge on Monday, but I want to be able to respectfully argue my points - so I'm asking the amazing minds on this board, which arguments can you predict the judge may make toward me? Constitutional law trumps state law, meaning the Constitution trumps "best interest" doctrine. This is my argument. I'm prepared for any counter-arguements on this board, so feel free to post them.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Modification of Custody: Going from Sole Custody to Joint, with 2 Fit Parents
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