Sex Offenses: Likely Going to Jail for 288a. Any Advice

My question involves criminal law for the state of: California


I made a terrible mistake... Basically... I touched someone way too young, in a place I shouldn't have touched them... one time for about 10 seconds above the clothes..

Not trying to defending myself in any way, but I'd like to establish that I'm actually a very good hearted person, not one of those terrible monsters...
But I don't expect anyone to believe/understand that....
So I'll just explain anyway in case anyone DOES care...
I grew up with under-age pornography since the age of about 14 thanks to Napster/shareaza...
As I grew older around 22-23 I realized that it was wrong for me to still be watching that stuff... but by that point it was kind of my preference...

Based on society always trying to help women look younger and Halloween costumes for kids looking nearly like hookers... and the fact that there was SO much under-age porn out there... I guess I told myself it wasn't THAT abnormal, as long as I never acted on it..

Considering I never had any in person urges... I didn't really consider it a big issue.. it was a personal thing for me to work on/stop, and I was trying to stop watching it, but not completely successfully...

Around age 26 I met a girl my age online and we kind of fell for each other... it didn't matter to me that she had a kid... never had any issues in real life with anyone and I'd been around plenty of kids...

We fell in love, and after some time I was having some family problems at home, so I moved in with her at her moms.. There wasn't a whole lot of room so we shared a room (separate beds), with her daughter who was 3, almost 4 at the time...

it sickens me to admit this... but I came back from the restroom one night, and saw her daughter... "doing something" in her sleep... and for some reason that image drew me in... I'm guessing because it was kind of like what I'd seen in videos... and I stupidly thought I'd "help" her with what she was doing... above clothes... after about 10 seconds, she woke up, I immediately stopped and ducked down... she went back to sleep, and I eventually fell back asleep, but had a difficult time due to how distraught I was realizing what I'd done...

Within a day or two, I told her mother, my girlfriend at the time, what I'd done...
There was a bit of a fight, but we stayed together... she knew I sincerely didn't want to do what I did... I was truly sorry and that there was no danger from me...

Fast forward a year and a half... me and my girlfriend were together, but had broken up once or twice due to differences in our opinions of how to go about having an open relationship... I'm still depressed.... suicidal... had no way to seek help for my "affliction" due to the mandatory reporting laws and the fears of tearing apart their lives even more with CPS, investigations etc...

So I told my parents about my issue.... and what I'd done... they didn't really have any advice or help for me either... so life went on....
At that point my girlfriend had a job and worked nights... this made my dad uncomfortable, because I was watching her daughter... alone...
This didn't become an issue... except that my dad was so worried he started talking to his VA therapist... he wasn't telling them what I did... but he was telling them that I did SOMETHING terrible... and he just couldn't say what...

Eventually one of them told him that no matter WHAT he said... it wouldn't leave them... she wouldn't say anything.
He said at that point that I'd confessed an attraction to teenage girls...
I'm guessing they realized that previously he was saying I "DID" something... and they knew I lived with the kid... so she cried... but reported to CPS...

So this is 2 years after the original incident...
The police came in later the same day that my dad told his therapist... took the daughter from my girlfriend... took me and her to the police station and started questioning us separately...

At first I just told the police what my dad told me to say.. that it was just an attraction to teenage girls... because anything else was hearsay...
Well.. The daughter remembered what I'd done... and named me as doing what I'd done...
So at that point I was read my rights... and I confessed everything...

Now I'm out on bail... I bailed out my (now Ex) girlfriend... and we haven't spoken since...
I'm waiting to go to court... since I haven't had an arraignment yet but so far, I've got Sexual abuse (288a), assault, and exploitation... I'm expecting at LEAST 3 years... (The assault is because of some bruise on her head where she said I hit her with a tablet.. it was an accident that it hit her hard enough to leave a bruise... but whatever accident or not, I'll deal with the consequences )



So I'm thinking about writing a letter to the judge... just to help him understand that it was a mistake, it's not WHO I AM...
wondering about why my lawyer doesn't want to even start building the case or meet with me until the arraignment..

I'm a thin... kind of good looking guy definitely not meant for prison... but having been very suicidal about what I'd done for so long... I really don't care what happens to me...
but the way I am... I don't want to be a tax burden on society and my family and job need me... (for the past 6 years, I've been doing IT work, working 9-6) and I will miss my two cats =(

I know what I did makes me one of the most hated people on the planet... but the reality is, there is next to NO help for anyone like me... even before they "act" on their urges...

I know I'm guilty... and I've BEEN ready to pay for my mistakes for 2 years now... is my situation as hopeless as I think it is?

Sex Offenses: Likely Going to Jail for 288a. Any Advice