My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin
Have a 15 year old daughter with ex. We never married; I left him (with her) when she was a toddler. No official custody order or support order until a few years ago when mandated by the State. The court granted joint custody and full placement to me with reasonable visitation. She has spent (generally) every other weekend with him and an occasional week in the summer when they went on vacation with his parents. We were always flexible and made it work.
I have received a promotion and relocated within the legal range without any change in orders. Upon notifying him, he requested a modification asking for 50/50 placement. Courts mandated mediation which resulted in an impasse. He has now changed his request to a legally mandated visitation schedule.
Herein lies the problem. They don't have a good relationship. She wants to spend less time with him (well, she wants none, but I explained that's probably not happening) as she moves into older adolescence. He has not been engaged parent. The time she spent with him as typically spent with his parents and/or his (now ex) girlfriend who did all of the care taking. I can count on one hand the number of functions he attended in all these years. While I transported, attended, coached, led, cheered at every single one. There have been a lot, and there is no where else I'd have rather been.
I don't believe she should NOT see her father but I do believe she is getting to an age where she needs to gain more independence and that includes time away from both of us. I tried to reason with him that it should be flexible but it will unfortunately be less in the years to come. There are school functions, extra-curriculars, socializing, summer jobs, etc. and if we had never split we wouldn't ever deny her these activities, we'd allow flexibility as responsible parents. His opinion is she's HIS child and needs to see HIM too and be a part of HIS new family (girlfriend and her children moved in with him recently). It's all about HIS rights, not his responsibilities.
Additionally, she finally expressed to him why she felt they had a strained relationship, that his new found interest in her life feels uncomfortable and false, and what she felt was lacking from him. He responded to her in a verbally abusive manner. I am done. She confided in me she has a speech in her head for when she's 18 and she can be done.
For her, I don't want things to get ugly. I could easily bring up factors that will make things very ugly. I have very close people in our lives (and his) who have agreed to speak on my behalf regard parenting abilities and past behaviors in any court hearings. We're going at this with no lawyers. I know he can't afford one and I hope it's pretty open and shut.
She will be appointed a GAL in the upcoming weeks.
Is there any likelihood a court commissioner/judge would mandate a set schedule and minimum visitation periods for a teenager with no real relationship with her father? I don't even see how that is rational. I'm not trying to deter their time together, just trying to maintain the flexibility which will be needed. And what happens down the road if/when she outright refuses to go? I'll be in contempt of court. Am I supposed to call the cops to get her there? I've been fighting with her all her life to MAKE her go. I'm getting rather sick of forcing it too.
On a secondary note. Is child support a secondary modification request I would have to begin? He did not pay child support at all until the state mandated it. He gave me a bit of money here and there when he could afford it (it was rare and minuscule). As he had not had a job in several years, they set it at minimum wage (and half of extra incurred bills such as medical and insurance). I waived arrears for the period before the hearing; I have never relied on his assistance or anyone's and putting her on medical assistance was devastating enough to my pride. The order was not adjusted when he got a job and he did not provide any updates to his income. In this I understand he is in contempt of court. Yes, I kind of want to modify it now, even thought I don't technically need it; I'm sick of being the only adult in this triangle. I'm just sick of the whole damned thing.
Have a 15 year old daughter with ex. We never married; I left him (with her) when she was a toddler. No official custody order or support order until a few years ago when mandated by the State. The court granted joint custody and full placement to me with reasonable visitation. She has spent (generally) every other weekend with him and an occasional week in the summer when they went on vacation with his parents. We were always flexible and made it work.
I have received a promotion and relocated within the legal range without any change in orders. Upon notifying him, he requested a modification asking for 50/50 placement. Courts mandated mediation which resulted in an impasse. He has now changed his request to a legally mandated visitation schedule.
Herein lies the problem. They don't have a good relationship. She wants to spend less time with him (well, she wants none, but I explained that's probably not happening) as she moves into older adolescence. He has not been engaged parent. The time she spent with him as typically spent with his parents and/or his (now ex) girlfriend who did all of the care taking. I can count on one hand the number of functions he attended in all these years. While I transported, attended, coached, led, cheered at every single one. There have been a lot, and there is no where else I'd have rather been.
I don't believe she should NOT see her father but I do believe she is getting to an age where she needs to gain more independence and that includes time away from both of us. I tried to reason with him that it should be flexible but it will unfortunately be less in the years to come. There are school functions, extra-curriculars, socializing, summer jobs, etc. and if we had never split we wouldn't ever deny her these activities, we'd allow flexibility as responsible parents. His opinion is she's HIS child and needs to see HIM too and be a part of HIS new family (girlfriend and her children moved in with him recently). It's all about HIS rights, not his responsibilities.
Additionally, she finally expressed to him why she felt they had a strained relationship, that his new found interest in her life feels uncomfortable and false, and what she felt was lacking from him. He responded to her in a verbally abusive manner. I am done. She confided in me she has a speech in her head for when she's 18 and she can be done.
For her, I don't want things to get ugly. I could easily bring up factors that will make things very ugly. I have very close people in our lives (and his) who have agreed to speak on my behalf regard parenting abilities and past behaviors in any court hearings. We're going at this with no lawyers. I know he can't afford one and I hope it's pretty open and shut.
She will be appointed a GAL in the upcoming weeks.
Is there any likelihood a court commissioner/judge would mandate a set schedule and minimum visitation periods for a teenager with no real relationship with her father? I don't even see how that is rational. I'm not trying to deter their time together, just trying to maintain the flexibility which will be needed. And what happens down the road if/when she outright refuses to go? I'll be in contempt of court. Am I supposed to call the cops to get her there? I've been fighting with her all her life to MAKE her go. I'm getting rather sick of forcing it too.
On a secondary note. Is child support a secondary modification request I would have to begin? He did not pay child support at all until the state mandated it. He gave me a bit of money here and there when he could afford it (it was rare and minuscule). As he had not had a job in several years, they set it at minimum wage (and half of extra incurred bills such as medical and insurance). I waived arrears for the period before the hearing; I have never relied on his assistance or anyone's and putting her on medical assistance was devastating enough to my pride. The order was not adjusted when he got a job and he did not provide any updates to his income. In this I understand he is in contempt of court. Yes, I kind of want to modify it now, even thought I don't technically need it; I'm sick of being the only adult in this triangle. I'm just sick of the whole damned thing.
Modification of Order - Adolescent
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