My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Tennessee
Since she was 5 years old my daughter has been in a somewhat odd custody arrangement with her mother and I. She stays with her mother half of the week and me the other half. To avoid having to pay me child support they set things up so that her mother is responsible for my daughter's medical needs.
My daughter is now 13 and I don't even remember why this arrangement ever really made a lot of sense in all honesty, but her mother certainly doesn't handle the medical needs well at all. She always schedules things on my days then tells me when I have to take her to a doctor's office instead of asking if I will be free to do so, and trying to communicate with her has always been pointless because she just asks her husband what to do and goes with whatever he says.
It may be worth mentioning that this divorce happened after 5 years of my wife cheating on me with the man she moved out with less than 2 months after I left her over it, and that is also who she married. Of course it hurts me to have the man who broke up my marriage making all of the decisions for my daughter while there and helping to raise her as her step-father, but it is what it is...
Anyway, every time they ask for extra days with her and I agree to it, they bring her back hours or even a day late without answering my calls or texts. They take her out of school for random things on my days sometimes and tell me nothing at all until they drop her off at my door hours later, again not answering calls or texts, leaving me worried sick and on the verge of calling the police. Communication has always been so bad with them that for the last year I have made it clear we will only stick to exactly what the custody agreement says, and anything they plan to do with or for her MUST be done on their own days, not mine. They still ask me to keep her longer or let them have her longer for vacations and such, but I have been adamant that we stay with the set schedule to avoid issues. This has worked out much better.
As for what my daughter says though: She has told me for years that they all but totally ignore her over there and only seem to care about her little brother, the child they had together. I believe my daughter but wouldn't just act on the word of a 13 year old. However, this has been proven time and time again as they have tried to put my daughter in a terrible rated school just because it was within walking distance to their home. They get her to school late or not at all often because they just don't bother to wake up, and they put their son in a special private school that is a good drive from their home. I could go on with examples, but best not to write a book here. The point is, she feels she isn't important to them there and never has been. She has been asking me for months "Since around August last year" to let her stay with me primarily and have planned visits with her mother (weekends, summer breaks, whatever).
For months I said no because I figured it was just a phase. I told her that if she wants that, she should tell her mother. I also called her mother when she first asked and her mom said she would respect whatever our daughter wanted to do as far as where she stayed primarily. That was a lie...
My daughter says she has told her mother she wants to stay with her dad every week since then but they always either ignore it or get angry and tell her "When you turn 18 you can make that choice!" So for the last few months my daughter has asked me to take this to court. More specifically, she asked why I can't make them let her stay with me and I explained that it'd likely take lawyers, lots of money, and court, and she has repeatedly asked me to "Do the court thing".
I have always taken pride in being a good dad. My ex even stated in court during the divorce that I was a great father. My daughter is also my best friend, interested in (and talented in) the same things as me, such as various types of art, fantasy and science fiction, and we have the same type of general humor and behavior, greatly different from her mother who she was nearly as close with. She says that at her mom's, when she isn't locked in her room she is made to watch football or play in the back yard with her little brother as the babysitter so her mom and step-dad can play online games together for hours.
I definitely get why she wants to stay with me. I can see how this 50/50 week to week split isn't very stable for her life and upbringing. She loves spending time with me and her 2 younger sisters here at my place and gets very sad when it is time to go back to her mom's. I want to help her and she has pleaded with me about this for long enough that I feel it should be taken seriously. Can I do anything?
Big thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and try to help me with information.
Since she was 5 years old my daughter has been in a somewhat odd custody arrangement with her mother and I. She stays with her mother half of the week and me the other half. To avoid having to pay me child support they set things up so that her mother is responsible for my daughter's medical needs.
My daughter is now 13 and I don't even remember why this arrangement ever really made a lot of sense in all honesty, but her mother certainly doesn't handle the medical needs well at all. She always schedules things on my days then tells me when I have to take her to a doctor's office instead of asking if I will be free to do so, and trying to communicate with her has always been pointless because she just asks her husband what to do and goes with whatever he says.
It may be worth mentioning that this divorce happened after 5 years of my wife cheating on me with the man she moved out with less than 2 months after I left her over it, and that is also who she married. Of course it hurts me to have the man who broke up my marriage making all of the decisions for my daughter while there and helping to raise her as her step-father, but it is what it is...
Anyway, every time they ask for extra days with her and I agree to it, they bring her back hours or even a day late without answering my calls or texts. They take her out of school for random things on my days sometimes and tell me nothing at all until they drop her off at my door hours later, again not answering calls or texts, leaving me worried sick and on the verge of calling the police. Communication has always been so bad with them that for the last year I have made it clear we will only stick to exactly what the custody agreement says, and anything they plan to do with or for her MUST be done on their own days, not mine. They still ask me to keep her longer or let them have her longer for vacations and such, but I have been adamant that we stay with the set schedule to avoid issues. This has worked out much better.
As for what my daughter says though: She has told me for years that they all but totally ignore her over there and only seem to care about her little brother, the child they had together. I believe my daughter but wouldn't just act on the word of a 13 year old. However, this has been proven time and time again as they have tried to put my daughter in a terrible rated school just because it was within walking distance to their home. They get her to school late or not at all often because they just don't bother to wake up, and they put their son in a special private school that is a good drive from their home. I could go on with examples, but best not to write a book here. The point is, she feels she isn't important to them there and never has been. She has been asking me for months "Since around August last year" to let her stay with me primarily and have planned visits with her mother (weekends, summer breaks, whatever).
For months I said no because I figured it was just a phase. I told her that if she wants that, she should tell her mother. I also called her mother when she first asked and her mom said she would respect whatever our daughter wanted to do as far as where she stayed primarily. That was a lie...
My daughter says she has told her mother she wants to stay with her dad every week since then but they always either ignore it or get angry and tell her "When you turn 18 you can make that choice!" So for the last few months my daughter has asked me to take this to court. More specifically, she asked why I can't make them let her stay with me and I explained that it'd likely take lawyers, lots of money, and court, and she has repeatedly asked me to "Do the court thing".
I have always taken pride in being a good dad. My ex even stated in court during the divorce that I was a great father. My daughter is also my best friend, interested in (and talented in) the same things as me, such as various types of art, fantasy and science fiction, and we have the same type of general humor and behavior, greatly different from her mother who she was nearly as close with. She says that at her mom's, when she isn't locked in her room she is made to watch football or play in the back yard with her little brother as the babysitter so her mom and step-dad can play online games together for hours.
I definitely get why she wants to stay with me. I can see how this 50/50 week to week split isn't very stable for her life and upbringing. She loves spending time with me and her 2 younger sisters here at my place and gets very sad when it is time to go back to her mom's. I want to help her and she has pleaded with me about this for long enough that I feel it should be taken seriously. Can I do anything?
Big thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and try to help me with information.
Modification of Custody: My 13 Year Old Has Asked for Months to Stay Primarily with Me. Can I Do Anything
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