My question involves restraining orders in the State of: New York
Background: Girlfriend of 3 years, has lived with me for 1. She is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, recently changed from borderline personality disorder.
Relationship has progressed into what I feel is an emotionally and psychologically abusive one.
I want to get out. With a couple exceptions, none of the below is physically harmful, just emotionally and psychologically damaging. I am fried, completely. I want her gone.
I want to know my options. Would a judge in NY state sign a restraining order if given the following information? I'll swear on a stack of bibles, but as you can see in the reading, much of my concrete documentation has been destroyed by her. I would just break up with her, but she has told me that she will take "as long as I damn well please" to move out. She is not on the lease. I have spoken to family, friends, and my counselor about all of the below but documentation, as I said, is lacking after the last time she got my phone... :(
- Will pinch chest, punch arms/shoulders if annoyed, and wont stop when asked to do so. Doesn’t leave marks and she laughs after as if she were just kidding around. If very very angry, will shove me hard and when asked to stop “No. What the **** are you gonna do about it, tough guy? Wanna hit me?” I suspect she is recording me when she starts saying this. The hard shoving has not happened in about 10 months. Never more than this, physically, and never any marks.
- When she is angry, will threaten to report me to CPS for various things, all fabricated or done without children present (smoking pot when my son is at his mothers, for example). Has told me numerous times that she would get friends to lie for her so it looks like I did these things with my kid here.
o I have a saved phone call recording in which I break up with her and she tells me she is coming to my job, tells me that my new job (just started it) is just a
dream that she won’t let happen when she tells everyone “who you really are.” Incidentally, a call was placed to CPS that exact same day alleging that I buy/sell/use
drugs around my son. An investigation with the exact same allegations had JUST been closed as unfounded a week prior to this, and the only person I told when it
closed was her.
- When she is angry, will threaten to call my job and tell them things that she believes would get me fired. I am not certain what these things are, to be honest, but she has told me that she has friends that hate me and would say anything to “burn” me.
- When she is angry, she will not allow me to sleep. Will come into bedroom late at night when I’m trying to get to sleep and flick the light on, talking loudly on the phone about me and playing loud music on her iPod, preventing me from sleeping. If I ask her to stop, she tells me that it is her bedroom too and I was welcome to go sleep anywhere else in the house. The one time I tried this, she followed me to that room too. This will sometimes even happen when she is not angry and I am just tired and want to go to bed early. I rarely get more than four hours of sleep each night
- When angry, will threaten to have other men over to the house for various reasons, whether it be to physically confront me, restrain me in my home when I want to leave (telling them to come block my car in), or have relations of varying degrees with her.
- When angry, will call me names, yell at me, degrade me, insult me, belittle me, say nasty things about my son and my family (neither of whom are present for this).
- Will take my phone without my permission and begin going through it, seeking what she thinks is evidence of my infidelity. If she sees that I have been recording anything or taking pictures for my own protection, she will delete this evidence. I had numerous recordings of her threatening me that have been deleted and this has happened multiple times. If I try to take it, she threatens to destroy it. On one occasion, she held my phone inches away from toilet water and it was only when she was distracted that I was able to lunge and get it from her.
- Will record me without my knowledge during fights or disagreements or during moments when I confide personal, private information in her and then threaten to post this information publically on social media, damaging my reputation.
- My keys have a way of ‘disappearing’ when we fight, resurfacing when the fight ends. I don’t know that she is doing this but I suspect it.
- If I attempt to leave while she is mad, she very often does the following…
o Blocks me in a room, refusing to move out of the way. She always begins recording me at this point and will goad me to push her or hit her. I end up having to sit and
suffer the above mentioned barrage of verbal abuse until she decides I can leave. She mocks me if I threaten to call the police, telling me that Im a big guy (I’m 6’4,
230lb) and that they will not take me seriously. (I tend to believe her on this…) She will justify this by saying that she is waiting for me to ask respectfully, although I do
so repeatedly with no relief.
o If I leave my house to go for a walk, she will follow me, berating and insulting me the whole while. She will be especially loud if she sees neighbors outside nearby within
earshot, accusing me of cheating on her constantly or physically abusing her or doing/selling drugs (none of which happened but are quite scandalous for neighbors to hear).
o If I make it to my car, she will get into the car with me and refuse to leave. She will stay in the car until I arrive at my destination and follow me once I am there. For
example, I once left to go to a park and take a walk to calm down. She was in my car, refused to get out, and refused to leave me alone while I walked in the park despite
my repeated requests for her to do so. This went on for hours until I was emotionally and psychologically exhausted and could do little but go home and sleep. She then sat
in our room, heaping further insults and threats upon me while I lay in the bed like a zombie.
- There are, unfortunately and to my knowledge, no direct witnesses although the neighbors may be able to speak to some of this. Out of embarrassment, I have not spoken to them.
I would appreciate any advice. I don't want to go to the courthouse if it'll be a complete waste of time, since she knows people who work near there and if I am seen going in and they tell her, I will be interrogated with threats and all.
I would prefer not to be judged here. I know I put myself in this. I am trying to get out. Nobody is judging me more than I am myself. :(
Thank you..
Background: Girlfriend of 3 years, has lived with me for 1. She is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, recently changed from borderline personality disorder.
Relationship has progressed into what I feel is an emotionally and psychologically abusive one.
I want to get out. With a couple exceptions, none of the below is physically harmful, just emotionally and psychologically damaging. I am fried, completely. I want her gone.
I want to know my options. Would a judge in NY state sign a restraining order if given the following information? I'll swear on a stack of bibles, but as you can see in the reading, much of my concrete documentation has been destroyed by her. I would just break up with her, but she has told me that she will take "as long as I damn well please" to move out. She is not on the lease. I have spoken to family, friends, and my counselor about all of the below but documentation, as I said, is lacking after the last time she got my phone... :(
- Will pinch chest, punch arms/shoulders if annoyed, and wont stop when asked to do so. Doesn’t leave marks and she laughs after as if she were just kidding around. If very very angry, will shove me hard and when asked to stop “No. What the **** are you gonna do about it, tough guy? Wanna hit me?” I suspect she is recording me when she starts saying this. The hard shoving has not happened in about 10 months. Never more than this, physically, and never any marks.
- When she is angry, will threaten to report me to CPS for various things, all fabricated or done without children present (smoking pot when my son is at his mothers, for example). Has told me numerous times that she would get friends to lie for her so it looks like I did these things with my kid here.
o I have a saved phone call recording in which I break up with her and she tells me she is coming to my job, tells me that my new job (just started it) is just a
dream that she won’t let happen when she tells everyone “who you really are.” Incidentally, a call was placed to CPS that exact same day alleging that I buy/sell/use
drugs around my son. An investigation with the exact same allegations had JUST been closed as unfounded a week prior to this, and the only person I told when it
closed was her.
- When she is angry, will threaten to call my job and tell them things that she believes would get me fired. I am not certain what these things are, to be honest, but she has told me that she has friends that hate me and would say anything to “burn” me.
- When she is angry, she will not allow me to sleep. Will come into bedroom late at night when I’m trying to get to sleep and flick the light on, talking loudly on the phone about me and playing loud music on her iPod, preventing me from sleeping. If I ask her to stop, she tells me that it is her bedroom too and I was welcome to go sleep anywhere else in the house. The one time I tried this, she followed me to that room too. This will sometimes even happen when she is not angry and I am just tired and want to go to bed early. I rarely get more than four hours of sleep each night
- When angry, will threaten to have other men over to the house for various reasons, whether it be to physically confront me, restrain me in my home when I want to leave (telling them to come block my car in), or have relations of varying degrees with her.
- When angry, will call me names, yell at me, degrade me, insult me, belittle me, say nasty things about my son and my family (neither of whom are present for this).
- Will take my phone without my permission and begin going through it, seeking what she thinks is evidence of my infidelity. If she sees that I have been recording anything or taking pictures for my own protection, she will delete this evidence. I had numerous recordings of her threatening me that have been deleted and this has happened multiple times. If I try to take it, she threatens to destroy it. On one occasion, she held my phone inches away from toilet water and it was only when she was distracted that I was able to lunge and get it from her.
- Will record me without my knowledge during fights or disagreements or during moments when I confide personal, private information in her and then threaten to post this information publically on social media, damaging my reputation.
- My keys have a way of ‘disappearing’ when we fight, resurfacing when the fight ends. I don’t know that she is doing this but I suspect it.
- If I attempt to leave while she is mad, she very often does the following…
o Blocks me in a room, refusing to move out of the way. She always begins recording me at this point and will goad me to push her or hit her. I end up having to sit and
suffer the above mentioned barrage of verbal abuse until she decides I can leave. She mocks me if I threaten to call the police, telling me that Im a big guy (I’m 6’4,
230lb) and that they will not take me seriously. (I tend to believe her on this…) She will justify this by saying that she is waiting for me to ask respectfully, although I do
so repeatedly with no relief.
o If I leave my house to go for a walk, she will follow me, berating and insulting me the whole while. She will be especially loud if she sees neighbors outside nearby within
earshot, accusing me of cheating on her constantly or physically abusing her or doing/selling drugs (none of which happened but are quite scandalous for neighbors to hear).
o If I make it to my car, she will get into the car with me and refuse to leave. She will stay in the car until I arrive at my destination and follow me once I am there. For
example, I once left to go to a park and take a walk to calm down. She was in my car, refused to get out, and refused to leave me alone while I walked in the park despite
my repeated requests for her to do so. This went on for hours until I was emotionally and psychologically exhausted and could do little but go home and sleep. She then sat
in our room, heaping further insults and threats upon me while I lay in the bed like a zombie.
- There are, unfortunately and to my knowledge, no direct witnesses although the neighbors may be able to speak to some of this. Out of embarrassment, I have not spoken to them.
I would appreciate any advice. I don't want to go to the courthouse if it'll be a complete waste of time, since she knows people who work near there and if I am seen going in and they tell her, I will be interrogated with threats and all.
I would prefer not to be judged here. I know I put myself in this. I am trying to get out. Nobody is judging me more than I am myself. :(
Thank you..
Establishment: When Will a Court Approve a Restraining Order
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