My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California
I have been divorced for 3 years. 3 years of being in court every 3 months, sometimes multiple times in 1 month. We have 2 little boys together, 4 & 7.
I left my ex-husband because he was controlling, jealous, verbally abusive and used threats of physical violence to control me. I wasn’t allowed to work, we attended a fundamental Baptist church that brainwashed me into submission, and some form of extreme right-wing news was on our TV 24/7. He would wake me in the middle of the night to give me hours long lectures and talk in circles about everything I was doing wrong, I was a mess. I was extremely depressed and scared and isolated-he monitored my friendships and relationships with my family closely, and if any said a negative word about him, I was cut off from them.
I began drinking and then he used that, saying if I ever left, he would tell the judge I was an addict and He would take my kids. He said he would ruin my life. He stole muy diary, and in 2 entires I describe taking Ambian and drinking beer and wine. The rest of the diary is Bible verses, begging for guidance and notes from our Fundamentalist Baptist Church. Despite being told by one judge to return my diary, he continues using it in court and has now made several copies of it.
I left one day. I had to get a DVRO because he took the guns from our house and hid our eldest son from me for 9 days. He lied about taking the guns, and later that day his best friend turned a weapon into the PD. I have the police report. He is currently facing charges from the DA’s office for violating the restraining order- 3 charges.
I was granted 80/20 custody.
He harassed me relentlessly to drop the restraining order & lower child support. I lowered it 5 times. He kept taking me back to court every few months to lower it again. I was a stay-at-home mom but I immediately got a full-time job making OK $$$ and left the family home to get my own apartment. It wasn’t enough.
He showed up to my boyfriends house with our kids in the car and tried to start a fight. He was cited with a misdeamanor for 'inciting a fight/challenge to fight'. The police came and a report was made. He was recorded. My ex says in depositions and statements, that he was the victim.
I found out he has a lengthy criminal record including assault with a deadly weapon, battery, destroying evidence, obstruction, etc. in multiple court docs he repeatedly claims to ‘have no criminal history’. He repeatedly denies having any criminial history or record, despite the court records.
He has called CPS on me and filed several police reports for child abuse. He accuses me of having bipolar disorder and multiple personalities. He has also accused me of parental alienation & insinuated sexual abuse by at least kk2 other people. These allegations have been dismissed my multiple professionals. He has ruined my reputation and I have no friends left. They are all friends with him now, he is the persecuted father that just wants to be with his children.
He filed a motion for a custody modification, it was denied. Then he filed a motion for the appointment of minors counsel, or GAL, and she reported the kids should remain with me as the primary custodial parent.
A therapist accused him of extreme emotional abuse of our children and he temporarily lost all visitation. Minors counsel did another report and recommended he only receive supervised visitation. This was overturned on a technicality and error of my attorney. (Also NOTE the therapist did not report this emotional abuse to CPS so the court overturned the order for supervised visitation!).
Then he filed a motion for a 730 custody evaluation.
We are currently in the middle of the evaluation and he continues to accuse me of being a 'severe alcoholic and addict'. He has very minor evidence of drinking while we were married-the diary, and a record of my prescribed medications. That’s it-not DUI’s, no rehab stints, no AA, etc.
I have a great job, I work from home so I am here for my kids, I’m active in the community & the kids school. I try my very hardest to be a great mom and do what’s best for our kids.
I have not been requested to take a subnstance abuse assessment, I have not met with a substance abuse counselor, I have not been asked to take any tests.
The last I heard from the evaluator she was asking to see his criminal record. I havent heard from her in weeks.
I havent' had a chance to tell her I've recently found out he is leaving the kids with his mom during his limited visitation to pursue a career as a comedian. This includes weeknights when they have school the next morning. His 'act' is also very crass, sexually charged and somewhat degrading to women.
I also havent had a chance to show her the police report proving his best friend tunred in the gun he claimed to not have.
I also didnt get a chance to show her the bizarre statements he wrote in his (denied) requests for DVRO against me.
Note: I have documented my ASS off and I have physical proof of every claim I have ever made. His lies and lack of evidence for any of his claims seem to be held with the same value as my actual evidence. It’s mind blowing. I have no idea which way the custody evaluator will lean. I can’t ‘prove’ his psychological abuse during our marriage. I’m exhausted and terrified. He has been dragging me through the mud for 3 years while he lives with his mom, works for a family friend and lives it up as a single carefree guy with a wealthy family paying his attorney. I’m a single mom raising 2 little boys with special needs (hard of hearing and ADHD) trying to make ends meet and up against the best attorneys in town.
Any help/knowledge/advice is appreciated!!!!
I have been divorced for 3 years. 3 years of being in court every 3 months, sometimes multiple times in 1 month. We have 2 little boys together, 4 & 7.
I left my ex-husband because he was controlling, jealous, verbally abusive and used threats of physical violence to control me. I wasn’t allowed to work, we attended a fundamental Baptist church that brainwashed me into submission, and some form of extreme right-wing news was on our TV 24/7. He would wake me in the middle of the night to give me hours long lectures and talk in circles about everything I was doing wrong, I was a mess. I was extremely depressed and scared and isolated-he monitored my friendships and relationships with my family closely, and if any said a negative word about him, I was cut off from them.
I began drinking and then he used that, saying if I ever left, he would tell the judge I was an addict and He would take my kids. He said he would ruin my life. He stole muy diary, and in 2 entires I describe taking Ambian and drinking beer and wine. The rest of the diary is Bible verses, begging for guidance and notes from our Fundamentalist Baptist Church. Despite being told by one judge to return my diary, he continues using it in court and has now made several copies of it.
I left one day. I had to get a DVRO because he took the guns from our house and hid our eldest son from me for 9 days. He lied about taking the guns, and later that day his best friend turned a weapon into the PD. I have the police report. He is currently facing charges from the DA’s office for violating the restraining order- 3 charges.
I was granted 80/20 custody.
He harassed me relentlessly to drop the restraining order & lower child support. I lowered it 5 times. He kept taking me back to court every few months to lower it again. I was a stay-at-home mom but I immediately got a full-time job making OK $$$ and left the family home to get my own apartment. It wasn’t enough.
He showed up to my boyfriends house with our kids in the car and tried to start a fight. He was cited with a misdeamanor for 'inciting a fight/challenge to fight'. The police came and a report was made. He was recorded. My ex says in depositions and statements, that he was the victim.
I found out he has a lengthy criminal record including assault with a deadly weapon, battery, destroying evidence, obstruction, etc. in multiple court docs he repeatedly claims to ‘have no criminal history’. He repeatedly denies having any criminial history or record, despite the court records.
He has called CPS on me and filed several police reports for child abuse. He accuses me of having bipolar disorder and multiple personalities. He has also accused me of parental alienation & insinuated sexual abuse by at least kk2 other people. These allegations have been dismissed my multiple professionals. He has ruined my reputation and I have no friends left. They are all friends with him now, he is the persecuted father that just wants to be with his children.
He filed a motion for a custody modification, it was denied. Then he filed a motion for the appointment of minors counsel, or GAL, and she reported the kids should remain with me as the primary custodial parent.
A therapist accused him of extreme emotional abuse of our children and he temporarily lost all visitation. Minors counsel did another report and recommended he only receive supervised visitation. This was overturned on a technicality and error of my attorney. (Also NOTE the therapist did not report this emotional abuse to CPS so the court overturned the order for supervised visitation!).
Then he filed a motion for a 730 custody evaluation.
We are currently in the middle of the evaluation and he continues to accuse me of being a 'severe alcoholic and addict'. He has very minor evidence of drinking while we were married-the diary, and a record of my prescribed medications. That’s it-not DUI’s, no rehab stints, no AA, etc.
I have a great job, I work from home so I am here for my kids, I’m active in the community & the kids school. I try my very hardest to be a great mom and do what’s best for our kids.
I have not been requested to take a subnstance abuse assessment, I have not met with a substance abuse counselor, I have not been asked to take any tests.
The last I heard from the evaluator she was asking to see his criminal record. I havent heard from her in weeks.
I havent' had a chance to tell her I've recently found out he is leaving the kids with his mom during his limited visitation to pursue a career as a comedian. This includes weeknights when they have school the next morning. His 'act' is also very crass, sexually charged and somewhat degrading to women.
I also havent had a chance to show her the police report proving his best friend tunred in the gun he claimed to not have.
I also didnt get a chance to show her the bizarre statements he wrote in his (denied) requests for DVRO against me.
Note: I have documented my ASS off and I have physical proof of every claim I have ever made. His lies and lack of evidence for any of his claims seem to be held with the same value as my actual evidence. It’s mind blowing. I have no idea which way the custody evaluator will lean. I can’t ‘prove’ his psychological abuse during our marriage. I’m exhausted and terrified. He has been dragging me through the mud for 3 years while he lives with his mom, works for a family friend and lives it up as a single carefree guy with a wealthy family paying his attorney. I’m a single mom raising 2 little boys with special needs (hard of hearing and ADHD) trying to make ends meet and up against the best attorneys in town.
Any help/knowledge/advice is appreciated!!!!
Modification of Custody: Advice in High Conflict Custody Battle; Dvro, Child Emotional Abuse, Etc
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