My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan
Hi,
I am very new to this site. This is the situation I have found myself in and need some advice as to what I should do. Here is a little bit of history: We were never married, he was a one night stand, his name is not on the birth certificate but was confirmed as the father through paternity test through the courts, he does pay child support but I don't receive all that I am supposed to as they take from mine to pay for his other two kids' that he has had regular contact with, a boy and a girl, the boy is a year older and the girl is 4 or 5 years younger than my daughter. The father has a history (including as recent as of the last 3 years) of drugs and alcohol abuse.
I have also been told that he has a history of hitting on underage girls and trying to sleep with them, I can't say if this is true or not but I do know that I was 17 when he was 22 and the person who told me about his history of hitting on underage girls has never lied to me.
I had told him as soon as I found out how to contact him that I was pregnant and he just got pissed and brushed me off. By the time my daughter turned 2 she had only seen him less than a handful of times and each time it was only for a half hour or so and he took off. Fast forward to my daughter age 7 (2011) and we hadn't heard from him for 5 years and he sends me a message on Facebook saying he wanted to know how she was doing and if she wanted to see him. I told him I had no problem with him being part of her life just that I didn't want him breaking my daughter's heart. We didn't hear from him again for a year (2012), where all he did was ask for her social security number for her health insurance that the courts were enforcing. I told him he had to go through the courts because all of that information was supposed to go through the courts, after that he then asked the same thing, how she was doing and if she wanted to see him. Again, I didn't have a problem with him being a part of her life, I asked please just don't see her and disappear again. A year (2013) goes by and we hear from him again this time at tax time wanting to claim her on his taxes, he said he deserved to because he paid child support and covers her health insurance, he got angry when I said no as I am the custodial parent and I provide everything for her, I even have insurance for her also because his doesn't cover a lot. To say he wasn't happy would be an understatement and didn't contact us again until 2015. This time he says my daughter, his youngest (my daughter is the middle of his children) wanted to see and meet my daughter. I said okay, I have no problems facilitating. But again I said please don't just come into her life and take off, she deserves more than that. This meet up took place the next day. It lasted for a max of 30 minutes and then we didn't hear from him again until towards the end of last year.
From 2006 to 2015 he had not seen her in person at all. At no time during these years did he wish her a happy birthday or send a card or gift or Christmas gifts or cards, nor any gifts or cards before she turned 2. He only contacts me on Facebook.
Towards the end of last year he contacted me again saying he wants to be a part of her life and that he has the right to be. He also wanted to claim her on his taxes, to which again I said a resounding "hell no". As for seeing her, I chose to discuss it with my daughter first. She said no and wanted nothing to do with him. I explained to him how she felt and he went ballistic. He said her feelings didn't matter and he would force her to see him whether she liked it or not and that she would eventually understand and forgive him. He was verbally abusive towards me on the Facebook messenger that we were using to communicate. He has now officially given her 4 gifts since then, he gave them to me to give to her, one of which was broken and required me to pay to repair it and another consisted of colors that I had told him she hated. At the end of his tantrum he said he would take me to court to force the visitation. We didn't have a specific court order set up for visitation, it just says that it is between me and him to set up, so there were no specific times and days ever set up because he wasn't there. I got fed up with the abuse coming from him and told him I wasn't going to force her to see him if she didn't want to. I ended up blocking him on Facebook and discussed the matter more with my daughter after I had calmed down. I explained to her that we couldn't really refuse visitation as he had that right as her biological father since he still has his rights. I unblocked him and explained what I had said to Deirdre and that it would go turtle slow for their communication. So every now and then he contacts me on Facebook asking to text speak with her, which I monitor. She hates having to talk to him, she doesn't like it, and she doesn't want to know him. I have doubts that she will ever be comfortable to ever go to his place. I have tried so hard in the past to facilitate but he never tried to continue and now that he wants a part of her life, I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place because I don't blame her for how she feels. I understand it and I feel like a horrible person for having to force this because I know he has rights but I love my daughter and want to respect her decision. And now with him trying to be in her life I don't think I could even have a case for father child abandonment.
Please give me some advice, I know this was a long history but I felt all information was necessary. Thanks.
Hi,
I am very new to this site. This is the situation I have found myself in and need some advice as to what I should do. Here is a little bit of history: We were never married, he was a one night stand, his name is not on the birth certificate but was confirmed as the father through paternity test through the courts, he does pay child support but I don't receive all that I am supposed to as they take from mine to pay for his other two kids' that he has had regular contact with, a boy and a girl, the boy is a year older and the girl is 4 or 5 years younger than my daughter. The father has a history (including as recent as of the last 3 years) of drugs and alcohol abuse.
I have also been told that he has a history of hitting on underage girls and trying to sleep with them, I can't say if this is true or not but I do know that I was 17 when he was 22 and the person who told me about his history of hitting on underage girls has never lied to me.
I had told him as soon as I found out how to contact him that I was pregnant and he just got pissed and brushed me off. By the time my daughter turned 2 she had only seen him less than a handful of times and each time it was only for a half hour or so and he took off. Fast forward to my daughter age 7 (2011) and we hadn't heard from him for 5 years and he sends me a message on Facebook saying he wanted to know how she was doing and if she wanted to see him. I told him I had no problem with him being part of her life just that I didn't want him breaking my daughter's heart. We didn't hear from him again for a year (2012), where all he did was ask for her social security number for her health insurance that the courts were enforcing. I told him he had to go through the courts because all of that information was supposed to go through the courts, after that he then asked the same thing, how she was doing and if she wanted to see him. Again, I didn't have a problem with him being a part of her life, I asked please just don't see her and disappear again. A year (2013) goes by and we hear from him again this time at tax time wanting to claim her on his taxes, he said he deserved to because he paid child support and covers her health insurance, he got angry when I said no as I am the custodial parent and I provide everything for her, I even have insurance for her also because his doesn't cover a lot. To say he wasn't happy would be an understatement and didn't contact us again until 2015. This time he says my daughter, his youngest (my daughter is the middle of his children) wanted to see and meet my daughter. I said okay, I have no problems facilitating. But again I said please don't just come into her life and take off, she deserves more than that. This meet up took place the next day. It lasted for a max of 30 minutes and then we didn't hear from him again until towards the end of last year.
From 2006 to 2015 he had not seen her in person at all. At no time during these years did he wish her a happy birthday or send a card or gift or Christmas gifts or cards, nor any gifts or cards before she turned 2. He only contacts me on Facebook.
Towards the end of last year he contacted me again saying he wants to be a part of her life and that he has the right to be. He also wanted to claim her on his taxes, to which again I said a resounding "hell no". As for seeing her, I chose to discuss it with my daughter first. She said no and wanted nothing to do with him. I explained to him how she felt and he went ballistic. He said her feelings didn't matter and he would force her to see him whether she liked it or not and that she would eventually understand and forgive him. He was verbally abusive towards me on the Facebook messenger that we were using to communicate. He has now officially given her 4 gifts since then, he gave them to me to give to her, one of which was broken and required me to pay to repair it and another consisted of colors that I had told him she hated. At the end of his tantrum he said he would take me to court to force the visitation. We didn't have a specific court order set up for visitation, it just says that it is between me and him to set up, so there were no specific times and days ever set up because he wasn't there. I got fed up with the abuse coming from him and told him I wasn't going to force her to see him if she didn't want to. I ended up blocking him on Facebook and discussed the matter more with my daughter after I had calmed down. I explained to her that we couldn't really refuse visitation as he had that right as her biological father since he still has his rights. I unblocked him and explained what I had said to Deirdre and that it would go turtle slow for their communication. So every now and then he contacts me on Facebook asking to text speak with her, which I monitor. She hates having to talk to him, she doesn't like it, and she doesn't want to know him. I have doubts that she will ever be comfortable to ever go to his place. I have tried so hard in the past to facilitate but he never tried to continue and now that he wants a part of her life, I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place because I don't blame her for how she feels. I understand it and I feel like a horrible person for having to force this because I know he has rights but I love my daughter and want to respect her decision. And now with him trying to be in her life I don't think I could even have a case for father child abandonment.
Please give me some advice, I know this was a long history but I felt all information was necessary. Thanks.
Custody and Visitation Issues: 13 Year Old Daughter Refusing to See Long Time Absentee Father
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