My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California
I'll try not to make this long. I live in Oregon and my daughter lives in California. My daughter is fourteen and does not want to live with her mother. Her mother and I were divorced in Nevada but before we were divorced, she went home to help with family, we split up a short time after that and she claimed her time in California as residency. My daughter was 2 at the time. At the time I had to do the divorce in Nevada because my ex was uncooperative and that was where I lived so I needed to take care of the custody in California. I did not have the money for that at the time and when I called around SoCal for help and they found out I lived out of state they wouldn't help so I spent some years at the mercy of my ex to see my daughter. I would see her a couple times a year where I would go to California and she would come to Nevada for some time in the summer. Every year though my ex would become more controlling with out time together. When she was ten I got an attorney and went to family court and got some time with my daughter that my ex could not control. It wasn't as much time as I wanted. I would do a lot of things different if I could go back. I was pretty wild when I was younger and married someone that is not stable during a time that I made some bad decisions. I can confidently say that I'm not that same person but my ex is worse than what she was. She had some things happen in her life that has made her unstable. My daughter is now at the age where she knows she needs to get away from her. She had even called child protective services on her own mother. Her mother found out it was her. My daughter thinks the CPS officer told her mother because she didn't tell anyone else about it because she was afraid. Anyway, I don't want to ramble to much more about that because as I learned, sitting in court with this information is a different story and there is much more to this story but it would be too long so if there are some question, I can answer them.
My daughter is fearful of the backlash that she gets from her mother and when they did a counseling session for the court when she was ten, she made it sound like everything was ok. There were some accusations made against me that were not true and she got my daughter to corroborate. It put me in a weird position. I completely understand because she was ten and afraid. She was just protecting herself. My daughter calling CPS gave me the confidence that she is strong enough mentally to tell the truth in court and she expressed that she wants to. I've always encouraged her to tell the truth, even if it makes me look bad.
I remarried eight years ago and had four more kids. Both of us are educated and have a very stable home life. My wife now is an amazing person and very intelligent. The schools we live by are some of the best around the Portland area. It will be a much better life for her as she is loved and wanted.
So, why am I on here? Why don't I just get an attorney? Because after spending considerable amount of time in that courtroom, I noticed something with that judge. If you have an attorney, she is fairly ruthless. Maybe she sees the attorney as a challenge but when someone didn't have an attorney, it was completely different. She empathized with them and listened to their input much more than they did with us who had an attorney. My time there was such a crap show because of the conflicting stories that the judge was left to ask my ten year old what she wanted. She wanted to see me and it was suggested a slow ramp-up to get to know me again because my ex said she hadn't seen me in years. She didn't need to get to know me, I had years of pictures of us together but the opposing counsel lied and said they did not receive them so they weren't admissible. I couldn't believe what was happening at the time. I thought my attorney sucked so I got a different one for the next round but the result was the same. This time, I'm going in on my own. If the court is going to make the decision based on what my daughter says, then I'd rather just give her the opportunity to do it.
I'm just looking for some advice. Do I just use a paralegal to file for custody or is there another path to take? Is there something that my daughter needs to do? She has been asking about it constantly when we talk.
I'll try not to make this long. I live in Oregon and my daughter lives in California. My daughter is fourteen and does not want to live with her mother. Her mother and I were divorced in Nevada but before we were divorced, she went home to help with family, we split up a short time after that and she claimed her time in California as residency. My daughter was 2 at the time. At the time I had to do the divorce in Nevada because my ex was uncooperative and that was where I lived so I needed to take care of the custody in California. I did not have the money for that at the time and when I called around SoCal for help and they found out I lived out of state they wouldn't help so I spent some years at the mercy of my ex to see my daughter. I would see her a couple times a year where I would go to California and she would come to Nevada for some time in the summer. Every year though my ex would become more controlling with out time together. When she was ten I got an attorney and went to family court and got some time with my daughter that my ex could not control. It wasn't as much time as I wanted. I would do a lot of things different if I could go back. I was pretty wild when I was younger and married someone that is not stable during a time that I made some bad decisions. I can confidently say that I'm not that same person but my ex is worse than what she was. She had some things happen in her life that has made her unstable. My daughter is now at the age where she knows she needs to get away from her. She had even called child protective services on her own mother. Her mother found out it was her. My daughter thinks the CPS officer told her mother because she didn't tell anyone else about it because she was afraid. Anyway, I don't want to ramble to much more about that because as I learned, sitting in court with this information is a different story and there is much more to this story but it would be too long so if there are some question, I can answer them.
My daughter is fearful of the backlash that she gets from her mother and when they did a counseling session for the court when she was ten, she made it sound like everything was ok. There were some accusations made against me that were not true and she got my daughter to corroborate. It put me in a weird position. I completely understand because she was ten and afraid. She was just protecting herself. My daughter calling CPS gave me the confidence that she is strong enough mentally to tell the truth in court and she expressed that she wants to. I've always encouraged her to tell the truth, even if it makes me look bad.
I remarried eight years ago and had four more kids. Both of us are educated and have a very stable home life. My wife now is an amazing person and very intelligent. The schools we live by are some of the best around the Portland area. It will be a much better life for her as she is loved and wanted.
So, why am I on here? Why don't I just get an attorney? Because after spending considerable amount of time in that courtroom, I noticed something with that judge. If you have an attorney, she is fairly ruthless. Maybe she sees the attorney as a challenge but when someone didn't have an attorney, it was completely different. She empathized with them and listened to their input much more than they did with us who had an attorney. My time there was such a crap show because of the conflicting stories that the judge was left to ask my ten year old what she wanted. She wanted to see me and it was suggested a slow ramp-up to get to know me again because my ex said she hadn't seen me in years. She didn't need to get to know me, I had years of pictures of us together but the opposing counsel lied and said they did not receive them so they weren't admissible. I couldn't believe what was happening at the time. I thought my attorney sucked so I got a different one for the next round but the result was the same. This time, I'm going in on my own. If the court is going to make the decision based on what my daughter says, then I'd rather just give her the opportunity to do it.
I'm just looking for some advice. Do I just use a paralegal to file for custody or is there another path to take? Is there something that my daughter needs to do? She has been asking about it constantly when we talk.
Modification of Custody: Daughter Wants to Live with Her Father
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