My question involves a child custody case from the State of California. I am currently in the process of fighting for custody of my newborn daughter.
A little back story:
I am an active duty Marine with an exemplary conduct record. I have never had any legal trouble other than speeding tickets. For the last 3 years(2014-2017) I was stationed in North Carolina, when I came home to visit family in 2016 I reconnected with a friend that I went to high school with. Everything was smooth sailing and we were happy together and decided that we wanted to try for a kid on one of her visits to North Carolina. We had planned her move out here and set the date in October 2016. In September 2016 she went back home to pack her things when she then found out she was pregnant. She immediately became very distant and we almost went 2 weeks without talking. she just said that she needed some space but she would come around. On the date that we had planned to move her to NC I flew out to California and the next day when I saw her she told me that she couldn't move anymore.. She already had her stuff in boxes, the moving service had been paid, the travel arrangements had been made, insurance in NC locked on, etc etc. After that happened I flew back to NC and gave her a little more space and a little more time. After a while I began to ask questions about her and the baby and she started ignoring me more often. Eventually we would go a week without talking and I would ask a simple question about the baby and she would accuse me of harassment. When I explained I was just checking on her and the baby I received a text from her mother and father asking me to cease and desist because me inquiring about the baby was stressful for her and therefor 'harassment'. When I explained to them that under CA code 527.6, me contacting her regarding our unborn child serves a legitimate purpose and is in no way harassment. At that point they told me to take it up with an attorney and her parents advised her to block all contact with me. A few weeks/month later she contacted me and wanted to talk again, she explained that she did not have much money and she mostly stayed at home. After hearing that I did a Walmart-Walmart money transfer and she picked up the money. Shortly after picking up the money she stated that her parents make a lot of money and she did not need my help or support and continued to block contact with me. She is currently unemployed and living off of her parents who make $300k+ per year.
Fast forward to February, I have pulled a lot of strings, and with the help of many great people I have been able to get stationed 2 hours outside of San Diego where the baby will be. I filed with the court and I have an attorney helping me. On 18 February myself and the babies mother attended a mediation session at FCS in San Diego County.
I will state the facts below:
-She is requesting Sole legal custody, Sole physical custody, and is willing to allow 1 hour of supervised visitation per week at her house.
-She stated to the mediator that I am a danger to myself and have threatened to kill myself.
-She stated that I am reckless and that I consume alcohol and drink and drive.
-She stated that because I have personal weapons at my house that if I were to ever become enraged that I could become a danger to myself and my child.
-She stated that I have not been proactively involved in her pregnancy so I should not be allowed to be a part of my babies life.
-She stated that she would be breast feeding the baby even though when we were together she was very against breast feeding and planned on using bottles 100% of the time.
-I explained that 1 hour of supervised visitation is not nearly enough time to form a bond with my child and I feel that it is very unfair that she would get 6 days and 23 hours a week with the child and I get 1 hour for a reason unbeknownst to me
-I explained that yes, I do on occasion drink alcohol with friends however I do not drink and drive, and I am always responsible when drinking. I have no interactions with the law, military, etc that would indicate otherwise.
-I explained that I am a Marine Corps qualified rifle and pistol expert and that I do have personal weapons in my house however they are secured when not in use. I am also a holder of a Virginia concealed carry permit.
-I explained that I have tried on multiple occasions to be involved in her pregnancy, to find out information about the baby, and to support her in any way possible and I have been accused of harassment and blocked.
The next part is my argument to the mediator:
-My counter to that was through every action I have proven that I want to be a part of my babies life more than anything. I left many great friends and family members behind in NC/VA to come here for my baby. I explained that I wanted a plan that was fair and equal for both of us and that I believed it was in the best interest of our child that both parents are a part of her life.
-I also brought in documentation with me with 30+ screenshots of messages showing how I have tried to be involved and how I have been accused of harassment. She also accused my mother of harassment because my mother sent her a message wishing her a happy Halloween and sent her words of encouragement and wished her best of luck with the pregnancy. I also included this message in the documentation.
-She has threatened to kill herself multiple times. I have included the messages in the documentation.
-Her father cheated on her mother, got herpes, and they began fighting in the house that resulted in the father becoming mentally unstable and giving her the keys to a gun safe and leaving to Northern California. At this point she felt unsafe because of her own suicidal ideations and left the house as well. I also have documentation of this.
-She admitted to the mediator that before pregnancy she would drink alcohol underage with her father as well as smoke dope.
-She admitted that she had been on medications for a mental disorder before.
-I argued that supervised visitation at her house would be unsafe because her father threatened to kill me if I ever came to their house again and she admitted that happened however said there would no longer be any tension.
I thought the mediation session went fairly well however after a week the report came and it was not how I expected. The mediator recommended that we both attend a 6 week parenting class, that we both undergo mental counseling, and that because she is breast feeding that I only get 2 hours of custody on Friday and 3 hours on both Saturday/Sunday. I feel like with all the evidence that I have this would be very to only have custody for 8 hours a week or >5% of the time. The next court hearing was scheduled for June 30 however that would prohibit me from seeing my daughter until she is at least 2 months old so my attorney called an exparte hearing
Fast forward to April 28th we have our first session with a judge. She does not show up, her attorney requested a 2 month extension(Until the end of June) so that that attorney could prepare because they had only been retained 2 days prior. Her attorney also argued that I should only have one hour of supervised visitation because it is a newborn baby so due to a newborns weakened immune system it would be harmful if I brought the baby to my mothers house less than one mile away from her house. She also argued that it should only be one hour because she will be breastfeeding every other hour. The judge said that was not going to happen and he was inclined to go with the mediators recommendation. I still feel that it would be very unfair that I get less than 5% custody and I feel that if she had that much custody I would be alienated from the babies life and that would not be enough time to form a lasting bond with my baby. I also included in my declaration to the court that I am recently married, my wife is a nanny with Child development I, II, and III certifications, CPR cert, nanny cert, etc that would be able to care for the baby while I am at work. I am also attached to a non-deployable unit for the next 3 years until I get out of the Marine Corps. I have a stable job, I have a house, I have reliable transportation, etc. The judge decided to give her a 2 week extension to recover from labor because her due date isn't until May 1st(yesterday). I have no way of knowing when my baby is born, I have no custody order, and I feel that the court is being very sided towards an incapable mother despite an abundance of evidence.
I am looking for any tips, any advice, anything I can do to ensure that I am able to be a part of my babies life because so far nothing I have done seems to be working. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and give their thoughts/opinions/ or advice.
Thank you, MarineDad.
edit: If there are any questions or anything I have forgotten to add please let me know and I will be sure to update this post.
A little back story:
I am an active duty Marine with an exemplary conduct record. I have never had any legal trouble other than speeding tickets. For the last 3 years(2014-2017) I was stationed in North Carolina, when I came home to visit family in 2016 I reconnected with a friend that I went to high school with. Everything was smooth sailing and we were happy together and decided that we wanted to try for a kid on one of her visits to North Carolina. We had planned her move out here and set the date in October 2016. In September 2016 she went back home to pack her things when she then found out she was pregnant. She immediately became very distant and we almost went 2 weeks without talking. she just said that she needed some space but she would come around. On the date that we had planned to move her to NC I flew out to California and the next day when I saw her she told me that she couldn't move anymore.. She already had her stuff in boxes, the moving service had been paid, the travel arrangements had been made, insurance in NC locked on, etc etc. After that happened I flew back to NC and gave her a little more space and a little more time. After a while I began to ask questions about her and the baby and she started ignoring me more often. Eventually we would go a week without talking and I would ask a simple question about the baby and she would accuse me of harassment. When I explained I was just checking on her and the baby I received a text from her mother and father asking me to cease and desist because me inquiring about the baby was stressful for her and therefor 'harassment'. When I explained to them that under CA code 527.6, me contacting her regarding our unborn child serves a legitimate purpose and is in no way harassment. At that point they told me to take it up with an attorney and her parents advised her to block all contact with me. A few weeks/month later she contacted me and wanted to talk again, she explained that she did not have much money and she mostly stayed at home. After hearing that I did a Walmart-Walmart money transfer and she picked up the money. Shortly after picking up the money she stated that her parents make a lot of money and she did not need my help or support and continued to block contact with me. She is currently unemployed and living off of her parents who make $300k+ per year.
Fast forward to February, I have pulled a lot of strings, and with the help of many great people I have been able to get stationed 2 hours outside of San Diego where the baby will be. I filed with the court and I have an attorney helping me. On 18 February myself and the babies mother attended a mediation session at FCS in San Diego County.
I will state the facts below:
-She is requesting Sole legal custody, Sole physical custody, and is willing to allow 1 hour of supervised visitation per week at her house.
-She stated to the mediator that I am a danger to myself and have threatened to kill myself.
-She stated that I am reckless and that I consume alcohol and drink and drive.
-She stated that because I have personal weapons at my house that if I were to ever become enraged that I could become a danger to myself and my child.
-She stated that I have not been proactively involved in her pregnancy so I should not be allowed to be a part of my babies life.
-She stated that she would be breast feeding the baby even though when we were together she was very against breast feeding and planned on using bottles 100% of the time.
-I explained that 1 hour of supervised visitation is not nearly enough time to form a bond with my child and I feel that it is very unfair that she would get 6 days and 23 hours a week with the child and I get 1 hour for a reason unbeknownst to me
-I explained that yes, I do on occasion drink alcohol with friends however I do not drink and drive, and I am always responsible when drinking. I have no interactions with the law, military, etc that would indicate otherwise.
-I explained that I am a Marine Corps qualified rifle and pistol expert and that I do have personal weapons in my house however they are secured when not in use. I am also a holder of a Virginia concealed carry permit.
-I explained that I have tried on multiple occasions to be involved in her pregnancy, to find out information about the baby, and to support her in any way possible and I have been accused of harassment and blocked.
The next part is my argument to the mediator:
-My counter to that was through every action I have proven that I want to be a part of my babies life more than anything. I left many great friends and family members behind in NC/VA to come here for my baby. I explained that I wanted a plan that was fair and equal for both of us and that I believed it was in the best interest of our child that both parents are a part of her life.
-I also brought in documentation with me with 30+ screenshots of messages showing how I have tried to be involved and how I have been accused of harassment. She also accused my mother of harassment because my mother sent her a message wishing her a happy Halloween and sent her words of encouragement and wished her best of luck with the pregnancy. I also included this message in the documentation.
-She has threatened to kill herself multiple times. I have included the messages in the documentation.
-Her father cheated on her mother, got herpes, and they began fighting in the house that resulted in the father becoming mentally unstable and giving her the keys to a gun safe and leaving to Northern California. At this point she felt unsafe because of her own suicidal ideations and left the house as well. I also have documentation of this.
-She admitted to the mediator that before pregnancy she would drink alcohol underage with her father as well as smoke dope.
-She admitted that she had been on medications for a mental disorder before.
-I argued that supervised visitation at her house would be unsafe because her father threatened to kill me if I ever came to their house again and she admitted that happened however said there would no longer be any tension.
I thought the mediation session went fairly well however after a week the report came and it was not how I expected. The mediator recommended that we both attend a 6 week parenting class, that we both undergo mental counseling, and that because she is breast feeding that I only get 2 hours of custody on Friday and 3 hours on both Saturday/Sunday. I feel like with all the evidence that I have this would be very to only have custody for 8 hours a week or >5% of the time. The next court hearing was scheduled for June 30 however that would prohibit me from seeing my daughter until she is at least 2 months old so my attorney called an exparte hearing
Fast forward to April 28th we have our first session with a judge. She does not show up, her attorney requested a 2 month extension(Until the end of June) so that that attorney could prepare because they had only been retained 2 days prior. Her attorney also argued that I should only have one hour of supervised visitation because it is a newborn baby so due to a newborns weakened immune system it would be harmful if I brought the baby to my mothers house less than one mile away from her house. She also argued that it should only be one hour because she will be breastfeeding every other hour. The judge said that was not going to happen and he was inclined to go with the mediators recommendation. I still feel that it would be very unfair that I get less than 5% custody and I feel that if she had that much custody I would be alienated from the babies life and that would not be enough time to form a lasting bond with my baby. I also included in my declaration to the court that I am recently married, my wife is a nanny with Child development I, II, and III certifications, CPR cert, nanny cert, etc that would be able to care for the baby while I am at work. I am also attached to a non-deployable unit for the next 3 years until I get out of the Marine Corps. I have a stable job, I have a house, I have reliable transportation, etc. The judge decided to give her a 2 week extension to recover from labor because her due date isn't until May 1st(yesterday). I have no way of knowing when my baby is born, I have no custody order, and I feel that the court is being very sided towards an incapable mother despite an abundance of evidence.
I am looking for any tips, any advice, anything I can do to ensure that I am able to be a part of my babies life because so far nothing I have done seems to be working. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and give their thoughts/opinions/ or advice.
Thank you, MarineDad.
edit: If there are any questions or anything I have forgotten to add please let me know and I will be sure to update this post.
Establishing an Order: Fighting for Custody in an Unfair Custody State
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