My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan
Custody is joint legal with myself (mom) having physical custody. The visitation schedule is pretty standard, one day a week,every other weekend, and alternate holidays. Our agreement states that he must pick up the Children himself, and that his visitation is to be exercised primarily by him (exact wording). Children are two boys 9, and 13. Sorry this so long, but it's years worth of issues.
Divorcing my ex came with a new hatred by his entire family. They've always been very dysfunctional but as long as you stayed on their good side, you're safe. The emotional abuse has been since day one. They constantly tear me apart in front of the boys and even their two little cousins are now joining in on the bashing and using it as ammo when fighting. Obviously it makes my boys unhappy and uncomfortable. They hate going, and generally spend 80% of visits there, while their father is supposedly working. This is only one piece of the problem.
I don't think their father typically verbally expresses his dislike for me, but does it in more subtle ways. He's their friend, the "cool" and in general treats them as his buddies. He shares his personal problems, details of our divorce, and is their hypeman when the Children are unhappy about a situation in my home. He hasn't paid a dime in child support, has two bench warrant, and a suspended license that he drives on with our kids in the vehicle. Mostly he is just immature and his idea of parenting is different. His girlfriend of a year a half however, is the most concerning to me. She has taken over his parenting completely, and in my opinion has an extremely inappropriate relationship with both boys. Especially my 13 year old. She sends text like "I love you so, so much. My heart hurts when you aren't here", "I just sit and cry because the house seems so empty without you" or things like "Your dad and I are so depressed when you guys aren't here. Your beautiful faces are the only thing that make us happy". Drop offs are dramatic and drawn out, Hugging, kissing, and telling them it will be okay and they will be back to get them soon. It's as if she wants him to feel like their happiness solely depends on his love. The I love/miss you text flood in ALL day. She also fishes for information on what's going on in my home, and he will respond in ways that make it seem like he's miserable being here, away from them. I know 100% that's not how he truly feels, but think he feels it would hurt their feelings if he was happy. The next one that really bothers me, is she refuses to use the word mom when speaking of me and tells them she wishes she could be their mother instead. I am only to be called by my first name in their presence.
I've had polite conversations with them about these things, but no resolve. I've tried to be the bigger person, just focus on our children and let it work itself out, and it doesn't look hopefully. I can see things changing within my boys and it's straining our relationship. I'm scared if this keeps going, they are going to alienate me from their lives. Am I being petty? Should I just continue to ignore their manipulating games or do I have any sort of case here? I'm considering obtaining an attorney to ask that our order be modified to restrict adults from speaking negatively about one another, but I'm not sure an order will faze them. Any other options or advice are greatly appreciated.
Custody is joint legal with myself (mom) having physical custody. The visitation schedule is pretty standard, one day a week,every other weekend, and alternate holidays. Our agreement states that he must pick up the Children himself, and that his visitation is to be exercised primarily by him (exact wording). Children are two boys 9, and 13. Sorry this so long, but it's years worth of issues.
Divorcing my ex came with a new hatred by his entire family. They've always been very dysfunctional but as long as you stayed on their good side, you're safe. The emotional abuse has been since day one. They constantly tear me apart in front of the boys and even their two little cousins are now joining in on the bashing and using it as ammo when fighting. Obviously it makes my boys unhappy and uncomfortable. They hate going, and generally spend 80% of visits there, while their father is supposedly working. This is only one piece of the problem.
I don't think their father typically verbally expresses his dislike for me, but does it in more subtle ways. He's their friend, the "cool" and in general treats them as his buddies. He shares his personal problems, details of our divorce, and is their hypeman when the Children are unhappy about a situation in my home. He hasn't paid a dime in child support, has two bench warrant, and a suspended license that he drives on with our kids in the vehicle. Mostly he is just immature and his idea of parenting is different. His girlfriend of a year a half however, is the most concerning to me. She has taken over his parenting completely, and in my opinion has an extremely inappropriate relationship with both boys. Especially my 13 year old. She sends text like "I love you so, so much. My heart hurts when you aren't here", "I just sit and cry because the house seems so empty without you" or things like "Your dad and I are so depressed when you guys aren't here. Your beautiful faces are the only thing that make us happy". Drop offs are dramatic and drawn out, Hugging, kissing, and telling them it will be okay and they will be back to get them soon. It's as if she wants him to feel like their happiness solely depends on his love. The I love/miss you text flood in ALL day. She also fishes for information on what's going on in my home, and he will respond in ways that make it seem like he's miserable being here, away from them. I know 100% that's not how he truly feels, but think he feels it would hurt their feelings if he was happy. The next one that really bothers me, is she refuses to use the word mom when speaking of me and tells them she wishes she could be their mother instead. I am only to be called by my first name in their presence.
I've had polite conversations with them about these things, but no resolve. I've tried to be the bigger person, just focus on our children and let it work itself out, and it doesn't look hopefully. I can see things changing within my boys and it's straining our relationship. I'm scared if this keeps going, they are going to alienate me from their lives. Am I being petty? Should I just continue to ignore their manipulating games or do I have any sort of case here? I'm considering obtaining an attorney to ask that our order be modified to restrict adults from speaking negatively about one another, but I'm not sure an order will faze them. Any other options or advice are greatly appreciated.
Custody and Visitation Issues: How to Deal with Emotional Abuse Caused by an Entire Family
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