My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Pennsylvania I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible.... My daughter was born 14 years ago. My exhusband had a substance abuse problem along with many other legal issues. After delivering my daughter, I left my husband. In the first couple years of her life, I made many attempts to allow visitation without the help of the courts. He failed to show up most of the time, and was consistently getting into trouble. When my daughter was 2 years old I filed for full and legal custody of my daughter. I explained to the judge that I want her to have a father, however she is not anyone's trophy and I felt it would be best for my daughter if before visitation again, her father was free of drugs for 6 months, out of prison for 6 months and standing on his own 2 feet for 6 months. The judge agreed with my wishes. For the past 12 years he has been in and out of prison, has fathered other children, has continued his struggle with drug abuse and most importantly has never once filed a petition to seek visitation. During the course of this time I have always been open and honest with my daughter about her father. She was created out of love, he was sick and if at any time she wanted to know anything about him, see him, visit with him, or anything else related to him it was always her choice. I kept her in contact with her grandparents with whom she would visit with several times throughout the year. Basically I have never kept her from him, only him from her.. If that makes sense. I felt he should have to show he was serious about a relationship with her if he wanted the choice to be his and not hers. When my daughter was 4 years old, I met my current husband. He has taken on the role of dad and when we were married in 2012, my daughter actually asked if it was ok to refer to him as dad and my husband has since expressed that he wants to adopt her. In 2014 my ex was released from prison (again) and reached out for visitation. I told him the same thing I have always told him. "In order for you to get visitation, you have to prove to the courts that you are clean and sober and doing what is expected of you as an adult" At this point, it was once again discussed with my daughter. She has absolutely no interest. She wants to be adopted by my husband. While I understand where she is coming from, I encouraged her to have a phone call with him and maybe explain to him how she feels. I wanted to be certain this is really what she wants. She agreed. Not knowing what she or he would say, I arranged the phone call but requested that it be on speaker phone. They spoke, she told him she was happy with her life and that she has a dad, he told her that he doesn't understand how she wouldn't want to know where she came from, she told him that she knows where she came from and that she doesn't understand how he can expect her to love someone she doesn't even know. She offered a possible friendship as long as he would accept that she already has a dad and if could sign away his rights so her dad can make it legal. He lost it. He started to yell at her on the phone, telling her that he was her dad and that she was a smart mouth and shouldn't be speaking to him like that. She hung up and walked away and said she will never try again!!! Do you blame her? NO and neither do I... Now lies the problem. He was arrested AGAIN and has been in prison for the last several months. While in prison he decided to file a petition for visitation. We have a hearing scheduled with a master on June 1st 2016. Coincidentally he is being released in May. She has no interest in meeting him, or letting him get to know her. I explained that I will do everything I can to support her feelings, however at the end of the day, a judge will determine her fate! (Gotta Love our Justice System!) I'm confused as to how he was even able to file a petition from prison when the original petition from 12 years ago stated he had to be out of prison before filing.... but he did and here we are. The hearing paper work states not to bring my daughter with me but I feel its important for the master/judge to hear what she has to say. I also fear this is going to really effect her negatively if the outcome isn't what she wants. She was just accepted into our #1 local high school. The pressure is already going to be on her and if she is forced to create a relationship with someone she doesn't want to have a relationship with, that could completely effect her emotionally... which is what I have been trying to protect for all these years!!! He has always had the choice to do whats right and she has always had the choice to see him.... He never made the right decisions and now she doesn't have any interest. Why does he get a choice now??? What do I do? Should I write a letter to the master or let an attorney handle it. I'm so afraid they are going to treat her like the majority of 14 year olds who enter their court room and think they are doing whats best for her by giving her visitation. (Because everyone deserves to know their parents, right??) Well that's not our situation. I have made every decision based on what is best for her when she was too young to make them. (keeping her in touch with his family, as much as that pained me to do, answering any and all questions, showing her photos...) As she got older, I included her in all of the decisions asking how she felt. When we found out he fathered another child, I consulted with a therapist on how to tell her... and when I did tell her (by showing pics and saying it was her bio dads child to let her put it together herself... )she told me that she was not her sister. That she was raised that it takes more then blood to be family! This kid is amazing and I have to continue to protect her but I'm afraid his rights are going to mean more then her wishes!!! Please advise!!!
Custody and Visitation Issues: Absent Father of 14 Years Wants Visitation
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