My question involves adoption law for the State of: Florida
My daughter is 4.5 - she's very bright, intuitive, well adjusted.
Her father and I separated when she was 2 weeks old (he had recently been arrested on two felony counts of DV and it was only escalating and DCF got involved.) He had a substance issues that I thought was marijuana but it came to light that it was probably more than that. His criminal history only got worse and now involves arrests and prison time for felony theft, an arrest for DV against his sister, probation violation for drugs, etc.
After we separated he saw her twice that year before her first birthday - once when she was 9 months old and once when she was 10 months old. I was initially in a DV safe house and went on to get my life together as he bounced in and out of jail, prison, etc. Family court eventually gave him supervised visitation and 2x/week phone calls - none of which he has ever taken advantage of (and for six months to a year I emailed him each and every time to document he missed phone calls.) I have a child support order but he has paid less than $500 - one check in the last 3 years right before he went back into prison almost 2 years ago for $225. He is between $15-20k behind and the court was beginning the long and grueling process of forcing payments or putting him in jail when he was arrested on other charges.
At this point my daughter has no idea bio dad exists and I am paralyzed with fear to even bring it up because his issues are so extensive. Someday I have to...but these are adult issues that a happy four year old just shouldn't have to worry about. I have a significant other who has been in her life since she was just shy of 1 year old and she is our only child.
We have asked him several times to just sign over his rights for a step-parent adoption and we would call him from the court house in 30 minutes after we got married. He refuses even though he has no idea who she is....the court knows that he refuses to sign the paperwork for her to have a passport so we could go on vacation because he says he is afraid I will "run off" with the child he doesn't even know because my "family has money" and I "have money"....although I'm pretty sure if I was going to head for Mexico in violation of a court order I would have done that years ago and saved myself a lot of trouble.
Fast forward to now; we have 13 months until he is released from prison (he's been there for two years this coming Jan.) I'm suddenly aware that I have problems. I don't want him causing chaos in her life and I am quite literally afraid of the violence that I have endured at his hands in the past.
In the course of writing this, my significant other sent pictures of her favorite stuffed animal that she sent with him to work today. She loves it when we take her animal with us to what we do during the day and snap photos of him participating. SO is a good father figure and took pictures of the animal all over the work place. I started this thing that we do...and he is now doing it as well. He LOVES her.
I, unfortunately, am of much more limited means right now. I went back to school in Jan and haven't worked since April. We live off of SO's income (significantly less than mine) and my savings and a modest amount of rental income that I make (when being a landlord is good that month.) I have 8 more months of my program so we need to stretch out my savings....or I have to someway find a way to be a good mom AND work full time AND finish my program. The only other alternative is that I take student loans to cover attorney fees.
What are our chances of being successful in a step parent adoption without an attorney? I made it through family court and essentially got everything we needed without an attorney....but I am realistic and I know this is a much bigger beast. I hate to think that I will be paying on student loans that went to attorney fees for years vs putting money away for HER education....that it could cost $15,000 to legally bind the family that she knows over a man who she doesn't know and who has paid less than $500 her whole life.
Thanks.
My daughter is 4.5 - she's very bright, intuitive, well adjusted.
Her father and I separated when she was 2 weeks old (he had recently been arrested on two felony counts of DV and it was only escalating and DCF got involved.) He had a substance issues that I thought was marijuana but it came to light that it was probably more than that. His criminal history only got worse and now involves arrests and prison time for felony theft, an arrest for DV against his sister, probation violation for drugs, etc.
After we separated he saw her twice that year before her first birthday - once when she was 9 months old and once when she was 10 months old. I was initially in a DV safe house and went on to get my life together as he bounced in and out of jail, prison, etc. Family court eventually gave him supervised visitation and 2x/week phone calls - none of which he has ever taken advantage of (and for six months to a year I emailed him each and every time to document he missed phone calls.) I have a child support order but he has paid less than $500 - one check in the last 3 years right before he went back into prison almost 2 years ago for $225. He is between $15-20k behind and the court was beginning the long and grueling process of forcing payments or putting him in jail when he was arrested on other charges.
At this point my daughter has no idea bio dad exists and I am paralyzed with fear to even bring it up because his issues are so extensive. Someday I have to...but these are adult issues that a happy four year old just shouldn't have to worry about. I have a significant other who has been in her life since she was just shy of 1 year old and she is our only child.
We have asked him several times to just sign over his rights for a step-parent adoption and we would call him from the court house in 30 minutes after we got married. He refuses even though he has no idea who she is....the court knows that he refuses to sign the paperwork for her to have a passport so we could go on vacation because he says he is afraid I will "run off" with the child he doesn't even know because my "family has money" and I "have money"....although I'm pretty sure if I was going to head for Mexico in violation of a court order I would have done that years ago and saved myself a lot of trouble.
Fast forward to now; we have 13 months until he is released from prison (he's been there for two years this coming Jan.) I'm suddenly aware that I have problems. I don't want him causing chaos in her life and I am quite literally afraid of the violence that I have endured at his hands in the past.
In the course of writing this, my significant other sent pictures of her favorite stuffed animal that she sent with him to work today. She loves it when we take her animal with us to what we do during the day and snap photos of him participating. SO is a good father figure and took pictures of the animal all over the work place. I started this thing that we do...and he is now doing it as well. He LOVES her.
I, unfortunately, am of much more limited means right now. I went back to school in Jan and haven't worked since April. We live off of SO's income (significantly less than mine) and my savings and a modest amount of rental income that I make (when being a landlord is good that month.) I have 8 more months of my program so we need to stretch out my savings....or I have to someway find a way to be a good mom AND work full time AND finish my program. The only other alternative is that I take student loans to cover attorney fees.
What are our chances of being successful in a step parent adoption without an attorney? I made it through family court and essentially got everything we needed without an attorney....but I am realistic and I know this is a much bigger beast. I hate to think that I will be paying on student loans that went to attorney fees for years vs putting money away for HER education....that it could cost $15,000 to legally bind the family that she knows over a man who she doesn't know and who has paid less than $500 her whole life.
Thanks.
Adoption of Children: Path to Success in Step Parent Adoption
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