My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia
This is a really complicated case so I am going to provide some brief cliff notes and then get in to the more relevant details. Sorry, it is quite long:
My ex filed a motion for show cause against me due to failure to pay child support (I am a month behind), failure to pay her the $25,000+ awarded to her in the divorce (I only make $40,000 a year, the judge even said during the final hearing that we would have to schedule a show cause just to come up with a payment arrangement), failure to follow the visitation schedule (I had to forfeit my visitation on three occasions: two due to having no arrangements for my girlfriend and one because I was sick with the start of pneumonia and a sinus infection), and lastly because I allegedly had my girlfriend present during visitation on three occasions (on two of the occasions my girlfriend was staying with her mom. On one of the occasions, I admit my girlfriend was home, locked in our bedroom sick from a upper respiratory infection. I had my kids in the house no more than 13 minutes before my ex called the cops and had the kids taken away from me. My kids were not aware my girlfriend was home, they speculated it though because their mom had told them that if our bedroom door was shut that meant my girlfriend was home). This hearing was scheduled to take place earlier this month.
During this past summer, my ex had also scheduled multiple extracurriculars during my visitation time with the kids. Additionally, she decided to enroll the kids in extracurriculars that take place every single Friday and Saturday from the start of the school year until the end of March 2019. I expressed to my ex that I didn't appreciate her scheduling additional extracurriculars for the children during my time (they already participate in extracurriculars every day other than Sunday and Thursdays) especially when she knew I was financially struggling as it is and that I would appreciate if she would allow me to make up the time I would be missing with them due to it (these aren't extracurriculars I can participate in; parents are not allowed on the floor during practice and the floor is not visible from the waiting room). She refused and claimed it was my responsibility to take the children to their extracurriculars and clearly indicated that she believes their extracurriculars are more important than my time with them.
After the incident in which she had the kids taken away from me during visitation by the police (this was in late August), I had them the following regularly scheduled visitation before the school year started. It was then that I was told/discovered the following:
At this point, I had already made the decision to file a motion for show cause against my ex for interference due to the continued scheduling of extracurriculars during my visitation time in addition to putting the children in a position where they had to spy on me and my household and report back to her pretty much every hour. However, the following scheduled visitation my ex refused to let me have the kids. This was the first weekend they were to start their extracurriculars, the weekend after my girlfriend had a summons served on my ex for a motion to drop the protective order, and the next visitation after my daughter told me they would not be coming to see me next time if I didn't pay child support. My ex claimed she was going to start "withholding" my visitation due to the alleged multiple violations of the order (despite the fact that she had already allowed me to have the children the following regularly scheduled visitation after the alleged third instance) and my refusal to take the children to their extracurriculars she scheduled during my visitation time; she claims this is protecting their safety and emotional well-being. She said she was going to withhold the visits until the beginning of this month when we went to court for her motion for show cause so the court could have an opinion on the matter. While waiting for the court date, I went and filed a motion for show cause for her interference and denial of my visitation and that was scheduled for the end of January 2019.
Unfortunately, the case at the beginning of this month was continued to the January 2019 date. I reached back out to my ex who has confirmed she plans on "withholding" my visitation until we go to court in January. This means that not only am I missing my every other weekend with my kids but I will be missing the holidays I was scheduled to have with them this year. I have attempted to reach out to my kids via their iphones/ipads but my texts come back with an error when I text my daughter and my son does not respond to my imessages.
At this point, what can I do? I miss my kids and just want my ex to re-establish my visitation. Even if I told her that I would take the kids with no fuss to their extracurriculars she would still refuse to re-establish visitation since she is also claiming that this is regarding the violations of the order. I thought about filing an emergency custody motion but I don't know if her refusing to allow the kids to see me and allowing my visits is considered an "emergency." The Guardian Ad Litem in the original case is being reinstated per my understanding but I have concerns about this as well. His original recommendation during the divorce hearing was that I have the kids 3 weekends a month plus two weekday visits a week but he changed his mind after he saw the direction the judge was leaning. I also haven't been able to get a hold of him for over a month regarding the fees I owe him from the original case.
I am already aware I will probably be found in contempt for my girlfriend being locked in the bedroom during one of my visits with the kids. Unfortunately, it was just a lot of crappy circumstances that led to that occurring but I know the judge won't really care about these circumstances. But, can my ex be found in contempt for denying my visitation? Per my understanding, it has to be the court's decision to suspend my visitation and they have not been involved in her decision. But, will they find her denial justifiable given her reasoning?
I have no money to hire a lawyer so I am doing a lot of this on my own.
Thanks for reading. Apologies about how long all of this is.
This is a really complicated case so I am going to provide some brief cliff notes and then get in to the more relevant details. Sorry, it is quite long:
- Finalized in May.
- Ex got sole legal and physical custody (Daughter 11, Son 8)
- Ex lied about abuse to her and the children. Judge believed her over me.
- I pay child support, income deduction order still has not come in to affect.
- I was granted every other weekend visitation with my children (Friday and Saturdays, no Sundays). We also have rotating holidays; this year I am scheduled to get Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.
- Both children were involved in extracurriculars at the time of the divorce but the judge made no order regarding any of my responsibility of having to take the kids to extracurriculars.
- My ex assaulted my current girlfriend who got a protective order against her. The judge ordered that my girlfriend was not allowed to be present during my visitation so long as she has a protective order against my ex. My girlfriend dropped the protective order in September because it became too difficult to try and maintain - my girlfriend and I live together and share a vehicle.
My ex filed a motion for show cause against me due to failure to pay child support (I am a month behind), failure to pay her the $25,000+ awarded to her in the divorce (I only make $40,000 a year, the judge even said during the final hearing that we would have to schedule a show cause just to come up with a payment arrangement), failure to follow the visitation schedule (I had to forfeit my visitation on three occasions: two due to having no arrangements for my girlfriend and one because I was sick with the start of pneumonia and a sinus infection), and lastly because I allegedly had my girlfriend present during visitation on three occasions (on two of the occasions my girlfriend was staying with her mom. On one of the occasions, I admit my girlfriend was home, locked in our bedroom sick from a upper respiratory infection. I had my kids in the house no more than 13 minutes before my ex called the cops and had the kids taken away from me. My kids were not aware my girlfriend was home, they speculated it though because their mom had told them that if our bedroom door was shut that meant my girlfriend was home). This hearing was scheduled to take place earlier this month.
During this past summer, my ex had also scheduled multiple extracurriculars during my visitation time with the kids. Additionally, she decided to enroll the kids in extracurriculars that take place every single Friday and Saturday from the start of the school year until the end of March 2019. I expressed to my ex that I didn't appreciate her scheduling additional extracurriculars for the children during my time (they already participate in extracurriculars every day other than Sunday and Thursdays) especially when she knew I was financially struggling as it is and that I would appreciate if she would allow me to make up the time I would be missing with them due to it (these aren't extracurriculars I can participate in; parents are not allowed on the floor during practice and the floor is not visible from the waiting room). She refused and claimed it was my responsibility to take the children to their extracurriculars and clearly indicated that she believes their extracurriculars are more important than my time with them.
After the incident in which she had the kids taken away from me during visitation by the police (this was in late August), I had them the following regularly scheduled visitation before the school year started. It was then that I was told/discovered the following:
- My children are required to text her every hour to check in when they are with me.
- My children are required to text her and tell her what I am doing either when she asks or when I do something other than what they had previously texted her saying I was doing.
- My children are to text her if my bedroom door is shut.
- My children are to text her if they see any of my girlfriend's personal belongings during visitation (This is one of the ones I found most ridiculous given that my girlfriend and I live together so of course her things are going to be around the house).
- My children are barred by their mom to discuss anything with me regarding their household.
- My daughter had been told that I was refusing to take her to dance and therefore I was being made to look like the bad guy.
- My children were told that my girlfriend assaulted my ex and my ex fought back in self-defense but that my girlfriend and I conspired against her to have her arrested and convicted of assault.
- My children had been told not to listen to me when they were at my home.
- My children were told that I had not paid child support and my daughter specifically stated that if I had not paid child support by the next time I was suppose to have them that they would not be coming to me for visitation.
At this point, I had already made the decision to file a motion for show cause against my ex for interference due to the continued scheduling of extracurriculars during my visitation time in addition to putting the children in a position where they had to spy on me and my household and report back to her pretty much every hour. However, the following scheduled visitation my ex refused to let me have the kids. This was the first weekend they were to start their extracurriculars, the weekend after my girlfriend had a summons served on my ex for a motion to drop the protective order, and the next visitation after my daughter told me they would not be coming to see me next time if I didn't pay child support. My ex claimed she was going to start "withholding" my visitation due to the alleged multiple violations of the order (despite the fact that she had already allowed me to have the children the following regularly scheduled visitation after the alleged third instance) and my refusal to take the children to their extracurriculars she scheduled during my visitation time; she claims this is protecting their safety and emotional well-being. She said she was going to withhold the visits until the beginning of this month when we went to court for her motion for show cause so the court could have an opinion on the matter. While waiting for the court date, I went and filed a motion for show cause for her interference and denial of my visitation and that was scheduled for the end of January 2019.
Unfortunately, the case at the beginning of this month was continued to the January 2019 date. I reached back out to my ex who has confirmed she plans on "withholding" my visitation until we go to court in January. This means that not only am I missing my every other weekend with my kids but I will be missing the holidays I was scheduled to have with them this year. I have attempted to reach out to my kids via their iphones/ipads but my texts come back with an error when I text my daughter and my son does not respond to my imessages.
At this point, what can I do? I miss my kids and just want my ex to re-establish my visitation. Even if I told her that I would take the kids with no fuss to their extracurriculars she would still refuse to re-establish visitation since she is also claiming that this is regarding the violations of the order. I thought about filing an emergency custody motion but I don't know if her refusing to allow the kids to see me and allowing my visits is considered an "emergency." The Guardian Ad Litem in the original case is being reinstated per my understanding but I have concerns about this as well. His original recommendation during the divorce hearing was that I have the kids 3 weekends a month plus two weekday visits a week but he changed his mind after he saw the direction the judge was leaning. I also haven't been able to get a hold of him for over a month regarding the fees I owe him from the original case.
I am already aware I will probably be found in contempt for my girlfriend being locked in the bedroom during one of my visits with the kids. Unfortunately, it was just a lot of crappy circumstances that led to that occurring but I know the judge won't really care about these circumstances. But, can my ex be found in contempt for denying my visitation? Per my understanding, it has to be the court's decision to suspend my visitation and they have not been involved in her decision. But, will they find her denial justifiable given her reasoning?
I have no money to hire a lawyer so I am doing a lot of this on my own.
Thanks for reading. Apologies about how long all of this is.
Enforcing Custody Orders: Will I And/or My Ex Be Found in Contempt Ex Refusing Visits
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